The unexpected threesome
by Robmeister2010
Summary: Pennys engine, after much warning, finally gives up. What starts out as a teasing Penny ends up in a situation neither of them, or Bernadette, saw happening...


Penny slumped her head against the steering wheel as her car ground to a halt at the side of the road.

"Well what do you know…the check engine light meant something afterall." Said Sheldon.

"Sheldon, I am not in the mood for your attempts at sarcasm so keep your mouth zipped or I will go Junior Rodeo on your ass!" warned Penny.

"There is no need to be aggressive Penny. If you had merely responded to my countless attempts to get you to take your car to a mechanic this would not have happened." Said Sheldon.

"Bite me!" muttered Penny through gritted teeth.

"I shall do no such thing. I am neither a vampire or a cannibal so have no need to bite you." Sheldon replied.

"I know what you are, you're a…" Penny trailed off as she got her temper under control.

"Male? Homo Novus? Friend?" suggested Sheldon trying to finish her sentence.

"The jury is still out on the latter!" Penny growled.

"I hardly see what you have to be angry with me about. I told you to fix your car, you ignored me, and now I'm going to miss new comic book night at the comic book store." Said Sheldon.

"That's it! Get out! Go on, get out and walk to the frickin' store, I'm sick of being your chauffeur!" said Penny.

"May I suggest some anger management classes?" he asked.

"Can't you keep that mouth of yours quiet for two minutes? Oh, you gotta be kidding me?!" Penny groaned as she tried to make a call and the battery ran out, causing the phone to shut off.

"I hope you don't expect me to walk in this. It's raining." Said Sheldon.

"Really? Oh thank you for that Sheldon, I never noticed, I just had the wipers on for a laugh!" spat Penny.

"Penny, it's OK. I understand your frustrations with me is really just frustration with yourself." Said Sheldon.

"Right, that's it!" Spat Penny undoing her seatbelt and shifting across to wrap her hands around his neck.

"Penny! This is entirely unacceptable behaviour!" gasped Sheldon trying to claw her Nebraskan man hands away from his fast reducing air supply.

"I told you to shut up didn't I? But did you listen? No! I'm going to strangle you until you turn blue and pass out!" said Penny.

"Penny, if you wanted me to pass out all you had to do was continue driving in your normal manner! OW, PENNY!" he gasped as she tightened her grip on him. Finally she let him go.

"Well that was entirely unnecessary!" replied Sheldon massaging his neck.

"God, I'm sick of this day! I wake up late, I don't have time for a shower, I turn up late at work, the boss has a go at me, I drop three separate orders on the way to the tables, then when I finally get to go home, I get roped into your comic book trip and my car dies. What makes it worse is I'm stuck here with an annoying whackadoodle. I'm warning you Sheldon, I'm on my very last nerve, which I would advise you not to get on, near, or even close to!" Penny warned. Sheldon noted she was still leaning over him, and put out a hand to pat her tentatively on the back.

"There there. Sheldon's here." He whispered. Penny let out a long sigh and slumped against him.

"I'm so sick of my life." She muttered. Sheldon tried to forget the germs her close proximity was now putting him in danger of contracting, and tried his best to put a half hearted hug around her.

"There is a saying you know." He said after a moment.

"Oh god, not a saying!" groaned Penny.

"A change is as good as a holiday. Sometimes when you find yourself in a difficult situation, changing something can be all you need to improve the whole situation." Said Sheldon.

"Can I change my whole life?" asked Penny, unconsciously resting her head against his chest causing him to grimace a little at the close proximity.

"You have complained on numerous occasions about your employment status. Why do you not consider an alternative employment opportunity?" he asked.

"Let's face it. I'm a failed actress. If I can't do waitressing, what _can_ I do?" she asked pitifully.

"I don't think you explored the opportunity of the Penny Blossoms to maximum effect. I kind of thought it was a viable business if you committed to it." Said Sheldon.

"I'm not cut out for that." She sighed.

"Nonsense Penny. You simply didn't give it a fair go." Said Sheldon.

"I don't suppose you have your phone with me do you?" she asked hopefully.

"I left it at work." He replied. Penny lifted her head up to look at him.

"You forgot it!" she smirked.

"I did not." Sheldon replied.

"Eidetic memory my ass!" she smirked.

"Penny, I had a fully well thought out plan for leaving my phone at my place of employment. How was I to know your car would grind to a halt due to your inability to follow my advice?" he asked.

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Penny.

"What?" asked Sheldon.

"How come you're hugging me and you're not giving me a strike or freaking out on me?" she asked.

"When a friend is upset it is non optional to make them a hot beverage. However, since we are in a car without beverage making facilities, I am doing the next best thing and attempting to comfort you with a ridiculous level of close proximity touching." Sheldon replied, trying not to show his disgust at the same time. Penny smiled up at him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you moonpie." Said Penny.

"I'm sorry you are still to grasp the concept that only my Meemaw can call me Moonpie." He replied.

"Hmm." Smiled Penny snuggling closer to him.

"Now what are you doing?" he asked.

"Are you kidding me? How long is it going to be before I get another chance to get a hug from you?" she smiled.

"Good lord! Penny, this is starting to become most inappropriate." Said Sheldon.

"You're hugging me Sheldon…we're not fucking." Said Penny.

"Penny, I must ask that you refrain from such disgusting and crude language!" Sheldon replied.

"Unless you want to be. Is that why you're hugging me?" she teased.

"Penny, you are well aware I have no interest in coitus." Said Sheldon.

"I'm a big ol five you know. I can break anyone. Even a Homo Novus." Smirked Penny.

"Ridiculous statement." Sheldon scoffed.

"Care to make a bet on that?" asked Penny.

"I would much prefer to make our way to our building." Said Sheldon.

"It's raining." She reminded him. She leaned up and placed a soft kiss on his neck.

"Penny, that kind of touching is inappropriate and unnecessary!" cried Sheldon wiping his neck with his free hand.

"Aww, is poor Homo Novus getting uncomfortable in the trouser region?" Penny teased.

"I'm getting out. I would rather be wet than subject to this close proximity!" cried Sheldon reaching for the door. Penny rested her hand on his and he froze.

"You think I'm pretty right?" she asked softly.

"Whatever it is you're trying to do, it won't work!" said Sheldon.

"Of course not, you're…what did you say…Homo Novus. A Homo Novus who hugs people in cars." Said Penny biting her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"Fine, you are a very aesthetically pleasing young woman, now can you kindly return to your side of the car?" asked Sheldon. Penny smirked and shifted back into the drivers seat and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel as she peared out of the windscreen at the rain.

"Could have had you if I wanted you." Smirked Penny after a moment.

"My Kolinar would not have been affected in the slightest." Sheldon replied.

"I don't know why you don't just admit you're not a Homo Novus." Said Penny fighting a laugh.

"Will you stop with this infernal nonsense?" he asked. He opened the door.

"You're not seriously going to walk in this are you?" asked Penny.

"It's better than whatever ridiculous game you're playing." Sheldon replied climbing out.

"Sheldon, come on, I was just having some fun, don't be silly, you'll get soaked!" she replied.

"So be it." Sheldon replied closing the car door. Penny watched sadly as he paced down the sidewalk, his two tshirts offering no protection against the unfavourable weather he was subjecting himself to.

_I shouldn't have been so mean to him. He'll get a cold. Atleast I can sing Soft Kitty to him when he gets sick. Shame. I kinda liked him hugging me._

Penny froze as that thought ran through her mind.

"God girl, you need to get yourself some!" she scoffed pushing the thought out of her mind.

_Poor Sheldon. I shouldn't have teased him. He'll be soaked. Poor guy. I'll have to make sure to do an extra special Soft Kittty for him if he gets sick. Which he will. Damnit, I wish he was still here._

As Penny pondered just how mean she'd been, more time passed than she thought, so when the car door swung open she screamed.

"I can't possibly continue in these conditions." Said Sheldon climbing in.

"Oh Sheldon, you're soaked!" cried Penny.

"I willpay to have your seat dry cleaned." He replied.

"I didn't mean that. Sheldon, you have to get out of those wet clothes." Said Penny pulloing at one of his shirts.

"Penny, you may have vast experience of getting naked in cars but I always have and always will remain full clothed in a vehicle." He informed her.

"Sheldon, don't be silly. You'll get sick. You don't want to have to change your schedule because of a cold do you?" she asked.

_Ha! That's got him!_

Sheldon reluctantly pulled his shirts over his head. Penny tried not to stare at his naked stomach.

_Wow! He's built up more than I thought. Those shirts do nothing for him!_

"Pants." Said Penny. Sheldon looked at her incredulously.

"Pants!" she ordered more firmly. Sheldon reluctantly lifted his hips and shifted his pants down his legs, leaving him in his underwear.

"Since when did you start wearing boxers?" asked Penny surprised not to see a pair of tighty wighties. The image of him after he returned from trying to get her tv back from Kurt flashed into her mind and she let a small smile cross her face before she pushed it out of her mind.

"They're Flash boxers!" Sheldon replied, as if the reason for wearing them was obvious.

"Oh sweetie, you must be freezing! Can I warm you up?" she asked. Before he'd had a chance to protest she ran her hands quickly across his body in an attempt to warm him up.

"Penny, whilst your intentions are admirable, I am not comfortable with the close touching!" Sheldon informed her.

"Oh shush. I'm just trying to warm you up. Wait, I've got it." Said Penny.

"What on earth are you doing now?!" cried Sheldon as she climbed into his lap.

"Come on Sheldon, you're a scientist, transfer of body heat!" said Penny.

"Good lord! This is unacceptable!" he moaned.

"Oh hush up! I don't sit in just anyones lap you know!" said Penny. Sheldon opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't you dare!" she warned. Sheldon closed his mouth and tried to focus on something other than her close proximity.

"I told you the rain was bad, you shouldn't have gone out there!" said Penny.

"Your game was not amusing to me." He replied.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm sure the rain will ease off soon, and we can make it back to ours and I can call a mechanic to collect my car." Said Penny.

"Meanwhile I must be subjected to his invasion of my personal space?" asked Sheldon.

"Hey, I'll have you know, lots of guys would get off to this situation right here!" cried Penny a little offended.

"I'm not lots of guys." He reminded her. Her face softened.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to keep you warm." Said Penny.

"Very well. Would you care for game of Guess the Element to pass thetime?" he asked.

"No Sheldon. I hate that game. I don't know half the elements. I'm not a scientist." Said Penny.

"I could teach you the elements." Said Sheldon.

"Remember when you tried to teach me physics?" asked Penny.

"Of course I remember. I have an eidetic memory." Said Sheldon. Penny couldn't help herself:

"Where's your phone?" she asked.

"You are a most infuriating creature!" he moaned.

"Creature? Jeez, you're so romantic!" said Penny rolling her eyes.

"Sarcasm?" he asked.

"What do you reckon?" she asked.

"Penny, I must ask that you adjust your current position." Sheldon said suddenly.

"Why, what's…" Pennys voice trailed off as she felt something press into her thigh.

"Sheldon is that…?" she enquired. Sheldon looked uncomfortably out of the window.

"Homo Novus my ass!" smirked Penny.

"It's not funny Penny!" he cried.

"Yes it is!" giggled Penny.

"Penny please!" he pleaded.

"So little Sheldon junior has come out to play huh?" Smirked Penny shifting her eyebrows up.

"Penny, I must ask that you remove yourself and return to your seat." Said Sheldon.

"What if I don't want to?" smirked Penny.

"Penny…I'm asking you politely…please." Said Sheldon.

"Sheldon…" started Penny before Sheldon, out of panic, tried to adjust his position ad hit the lever at the side of the chair.

"Well that was smart!" said Penny as the chair flew back so she was now completely on top of him as the chair stretched out entirely against the back seat behind them.

"Penny…" Sheldon whispered.

"Why do you look so nervous Sheldon? Do you want me to take care of your little problem?" she asked. Sheldon gasped as he felt her hand brush over his crotch.

"Penny, I can't control myself if you do that!" he whispered. Penny smirked even more.

"Oh, so Homo Novus has a breaking point huh?" she asked. She crushed her lips down against his as she massaged him through his boxers.

"Devil woman!" he hissed, causing her to giggle.

"I told you I could break you didn't I?" she smirked.

"Bernadette!" cried Sheldon.

"Gee thanks. Wrong woman Sheldon. We've known each other seven years!" said Penny pulling a face.

"No, it's Bernadettes car, I can see it in the rear view mirror!" cried Sheldon.

"Oh my god, she's…" Penny trailed off as Bernadette looked through the side window in shock. Sheldon slowly wound down the window.

"Let me guess…it's not what it looks like?" Bernadette asked looking at them in confusion.

"Bernadette, I got wet in the rain, Penny was merely following the scientific procedure of heat transference." Sheldon tried to explain.

"Oh Sheldon, even I'm not buying that and I'm in the car!" said Penny rolling her eyes.

"Why? Why would you incriminate us like that?" asked Sheldon.

"Are you wearing boxers?" asked Bernadette.

"You've just stumbled across me with Penny on top of me and your question is based on your fashion sense?" asked Sheldon casting a confused look at her.

"Oh, I'm just trying to ignore that since I have no chance of working out what you two crazy weirdos are doing." Said Bernadette.

"Hey!" cried Penny a little offended.

"Bernadette…although it is not gentlemanly to point it out, I must inform you that wearing a white top in rain is not a way to keep your decency maintained." Said Sheldon. Bernadette let out a squeak and put her arms across her chest as her breasts were clearly visible through her top.

"How come you don't wear a bra?" asked Penny.

"Howard has trouble undoing it so if we get in the mood it kinda kills it if he's fumbling around." Said Bernadette.

"Excuse me, if you two have finished chatting, this is an entirely uncomfortable position!" said Sheldon.

"Oh Sheldon, I can feel how comfortable _you_ are!" smirked Penny.

"Penny!" cried Bernadette.

"Right, sorry! Bernadette, my engine has died, do you think you could give me and Sheldon a lift home?" asked Penny.

"You'll have to put something on Sheldon. If I get stopped by the cops I don't want a guy in boxers on the back seat!" said Bernadette.

"You won't. I call shotgun." Replied Sheldon. Penny stared at Sheldon in disbelief.

"I'm getting soaked! I'm getting in!" cried Bernadette climbing in through the back.

"Um…hey Sheldon. Didn't quiet think this through did I?" asked Bernadette as she has to put her legs either side of Sheldons head.

"Good lord!" cried Sheldon.

"Judging by what I can feel under me, I think he likes the idea of two girls." Smirked Penny.

"Sheldon, you big perv!" smirked Bernadette.

"Oh, don't you start! I wish I'd stayed in the rain! What on earth has got into you two?" asked Sheldon.

"Oh Sheldon, that is such an interesting question!" giggled Penny.

"So Sheldon…important question first. Whose boobs do you like more, mine or Pennys?" smirked Bernadette.

"Can we just focus on what's happening here? Bernadette, you are married to Howard, Penny, you are in a relationship with Leonard, yet both of you have no thought of your respective partners whilst undertaking…whatever this is!"

"Leonard is stuck on a ship in the middle of the North Atlantic!" cried Penny.

"Yeah, and Howard is a perv, it's not like he hasn't done this with another girl I bet." Replied Bernadette.

"I need to get out of here!" cried Sheldon pushing the passenger door open. He wriggled out from under Penny and landed with a thump on the sidewalk. Penny glanced up at Bernadette.

"Hey Bernie…fancy giving Sheldon a little show?" smirked Penny.

"I never really believed that whole Homo Novus thing anyway." Bernadette smiled back.

"Good lord!" cried Sheldon as to his shock and surprise the two girls still in the car touched lips.

"Oh Sheldon, she feels so good!" giggled Penny.

"He doesn't need a running commentary!" giggled Bernadette.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Sheldon pleaded as he scurried across the sidewalk on all fours.

"So come on Sheldon, who do you think has the better boobs?" asked Penny pushing hers up against Bernadettes.

"Devil women, the pair of you!" cried Sheldon.

"Ooh!" squealed Bernadette as Penny slid her hand up Bernadettes shirt and massaged her breast.

"You like this Sheldon?" smirked Penny.

"Penny, this is taking it a little far, even Howard doesn't touch me like…ohh…" gasped Bernadette.

"Huh. Didn't take you for a girl on girl fan Bernie." Said Penny looking at her female companion in surprise.

"Neither did I. OH MY GOD!" yelled Bernadette.

"What, did I lean on you?" asked Penny.

"No…I…I can't believe it! Sheldon's masturbating!" shrieked Bernadette. Penny glanced out onto the sidewalk and smirked.

"How you doing there Homo Novus?" she grinned.

"What are you doing to me?" he whispered in shock.

"You mean what you're doing to yourself. We're nowhere near you Moonpie. Hey, what the hell?" cried Penny as Bernadette dug her fingers into Pennys back.

"Sorry. Got carried away. I never thought I would see…and do…oh my god, what the hell are we doing?" asked Bernadette.

"You wanna join us Sheldon?" smirked Penny. To their surprise, Sheldon took no more convincing before climbing back into the car for what Sheldon would later describe as:

A most fascinating scientific experiment.


End file.
